It may feel like these two words in the same sentence are the most horrendous, terrifying and mutually exclusive concepts that will ever go together. After all, the former is what created the latter and while you are may be in love and awe of the human you just created (if you are also lucky enough to have escaped the incredibly common PND), you may not feel quite the same amount of love for your vagina currently.
Whether you had a natural birth or C-section, your body has just been through some massive changes that have an effect on you physically and emotionally. Immediately after, nothing will ever scream sexy the way the giant surfboard pads provided at the hospital will leave you feeling…..
So then, how do you even contemplate, let alone prepare for and be in the right headspace for sex. We don’t propose to have all the answers for you, but hopefully we can give you some inspiration and hope for how this day may become a possibility.
- Realise that no matter what changes you have been through, your body has just demonstrated how incredibly amazing it is. You have grown a human inside you! Congratulations. Things may never return to the way that they were, and that is OK. That is the way it should be.
- Take your time. Give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically. You have been through a major change and one that takes time to adjust to. Allow yourself the space to experience these changes and acceptance of what they will be.
- Surround yourself with love and real bodies. Society always promotes the “bounce back” attitude which has so many negative effects for women. Speaking to and surrounding yourself with women who are comfortable and confident to talk about their bodies and the changes can help normalise the way you are feeling.
- Try to reframe. Instead of looking at your body and finding all the “flaws”. Try to see the new markings and changes as proof of how incredible your body is. The scars that are left will always be the reminder of the amazing way your body carried and supported your baby into this world.
- Learn to love yourself. Spend time getting to know your body and feeling confident. All bodies are amazing and the vast majority are capable of pleasure. Your new body is the new you and may be the best version of you yet. Many women find sex after babies even more pleasurable…the sky is the limit for possibilities.
- Dress up. Find some outfits that make you feel good. They don’t have to be skimpy lingerie, it just has to be something that makes you feel confident. Confidence is more sexy than any outfit you can wear.
- Be kind to yourself. Don’t put extreme demands on yourself for when you have to be ready. Everything will come in time and that’s ok
- Use Lube. Lube is the most underrated product in the entire sexual wellness industry. We look at “wetness” as a sign of how turned on we are and wear it like a gold star of accomplishment. Lube will help ease the tension when you are having sex again and make the experience more enjoyable.
- Great sex is always about communication. Talking to your partner about how you feel lets them help support you. This isn’t something you need to go through alone.
- Do it for you. The most fundamental thing about sex is that it is for YOUR pleasure. This isn’t about your partner or any kind of social pressure for when you NEED to have sex. This is for you. When you WANT to. Once you want it, the sex is going to be so much better for both you and your partner. So do it your way.